Why did the Blonde run across the street ?
Because the sign said "DON'T WALK!"
Why don't Dlondes double recipes?
The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees!
Why do girls bring their boyfriends shopping?
Because she can park in the handicap spaces!
Did you hear about the man that lost 95% of his Brains?
His wife passed away !
How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell her to alphabetize the M&M's
How does a dumb guy get a date?
He walks up to a blonde sorting M&M's and says "You'r spelling them upside down, it's W&W"
A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her index finger shot off, the docter of course had to report it so he asked her what happened
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide" she replied,
"By shooting your finger?" The doctor looked puzzled
"Well, first I put the gunt o my chest and I thoguht, no I just paid $40,000 for these. Then I put it to my mouth and though, that was $24,000 to straighten my teeth. Then I put the gun to my ear, and I though this was going to make a loud noise. SO I put my finger in the other eat before I puleld the trigger."
Two guys are in the parking lot trying to pick the lock of their BMW with a coat hanger
They tried and tried to get the door open but they couldn't. The guy with the coat hanger took a moment to catch his breath, and his friend said "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down"
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"
Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie - - *poof* - - you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
Sooooo, A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." - - - *poof* The mirror swallows her.
Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive." - - - *poof* The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think...." - - - *poof*
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better! "he boasted. "I've married an 18 year old blonde who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. When he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..."replied the doctor.
You can tell my minds drifting lol