Post your jokes

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SAS_Recon
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Post your jokes

It has been awhile since we have had a joke topic.. so here's a few jokes to start whit.. for your amusement..

Nothing better than starting the day whit a laugh!

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Pharmacist

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he''d like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I''m so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl''s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist

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A Small Problem

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks.
The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?''

Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, ''I know how to make them larger!''

''How!?!?!?'' she asks.

''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.''

''Well how long does it take?'' she asks.

''They should expand over the years,'' he answers.

''How did you know that?'' she wonders.

''I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?'''

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Split Up The Middle

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat, which sank the same day that John's wife died. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John.
"I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible."

"Hell, no! In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."

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Spidey01
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I've read the pharmacist one before, funny hhee.

Most jokes I think of I can't post ^_^ So heres some of ny favorites.

TO AVOID MUTLPLE POSTS (3-4) HERE ARE SOME LINKS

How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb? I like this one:-)
A Week in the Life of the Notes Support Person from Hell Long but pee your pants funny (imho)
If Operating Systems were Airlines How the big boys fly !
Upgrading to Wife 1.0
Male Friend Needs Technical Support
The Man From Microsoft I usually don't care for many MS jokes, but this is a funny one about Win95 of yore.

SAS_WIZ
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Very funny Recon :laugh:

SAS_WIZ

Miles
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http://www.bash.org/?top

That aren't really joke but quote from the internet ... quiet funny, I guess even more funny for you spidey Smile . My favourite one is #400459.

\"Virtue is its own reward.\"

SAS_Noah
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I'm proud to say that I have read the entire bash database start to finish.

SAS_Vet_Noah

Spidey01
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hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

I know some one who has had that problem before hehehe wish I had that many computers (and glad I don't have quite that much crap on them)

SAS_Viper
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I tired to post a joke once... Blum 3

IMAGE(http://miniprofile.xfire.com/bg/bg/type/0/sasviper.png) ODERINT, DUM METUANT.

SAS_WIZ
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ok seeing as no1 else has yet... the old cheap ones are coming out..

What do u call a man with a seagull on his head?
A: Cliff

What do u call a man with a car on his head?
A: Jack

What do u call a man with a Spade on his head?
A: Doug

What do u call a man without a spade on his head?

A: Douglas

why did the lepar fail his driving test?
A: he left his foot on the clutch

What did the lepar say to the prostitute?
A: 'keep the tip'

Old but hey where are the others?

SAS_WIZ

Spidey01
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Found this when I was looking for a poem I had written awhile back. Havn't found that poem yet but I found a joke Smile

A wife wants her husband to stop cursing, so she makes him get a Swear Jar, every time the husband says a bad word, he emties his change into the swear jar for family savings. After one week:
"Honey! You've putten over five dollars in here"
By the second week theres over $15 in the swear jar: "Dear, will you take the jar into work with you, please" End of the week check:
umpff! "Here ya go peach pit I took it to work for a week"
"Holy (Use your imagenation:P) there must be like twenty bucks in here!"
"Yes dear, that colorfull metaphor will cost you a twenty"
"har hardy har har, nice try pumpkin pie"
"Oh well, get ya next time peach pie"
"Wait what is this peice of paper?"
"Oh yeah, I told my boss about it and hes going to dock my pay and put it in the swear jar instead"
"Blank blankidiy blank blank yaadadada blah blah blah, THIS IS A IOU FOR $599,876,549!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Yes dear, you just doubled it for me"

SAS_Fox
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Here are some funny comics about some games.

Brothers In Arms
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20050305

Americas Army
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060130
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20021108
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20021121
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20030607
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20031004

Star Wars
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20050511
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20050513
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060222
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20030707
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20031029
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20040319

Splinter Cell
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20030222
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20040322
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20040324
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20040326

Metal Gear
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20050415
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20050416
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20050923

Ghost recon
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060324

Battlefield 2142
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060705

Tomb Raider
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060403

Rogue Trooper
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060619

Gaming Etiquette
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20040519
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20040522
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20040702
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20040929
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20041229
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20050302
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060201
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060331
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060821
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060823
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060825
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060826