hundreds of old grumpy half dressed men ran for cover as the artillery rained down. "They've got the brewery held down tight, this is going to take some serious planning" Said the old man with the pot on his head, holding a broom like a rifle.
Forcing the locals and the Mexican army to join forces to put out the fires before all was lost.
Later once the fire was out and 12 Corona's a head later in celebration they called the war off and hit the tequila with their new Mexican drinking budies for good measure.
When a senator drove up and congratulated him, his father, old Gustaw, and the leader of the Mexican army on making a peace treaty.
"Son, you're a real national hero you know that!! How did you do it?"
"Easy Sir, we just promised free green cards and cheap beer to anyone who wanted to work at the Brewery"
"WHAT !?" shouted the senator in astonishment
"Oh and they have to speak English" Gustaw added.
"This is rediculess!! You can't do that, the wars back on!, To arms people to arms !!" bellowed the senator.
"Vaya sorben a un pato" added the Mexican general (roughly go suck a duck)
"What did he say?"
"He said, it's better then what you have now"
"Your Mexican is worse then your Spanish lad" his father whispered in his ear as the senator drove off in a huge Cadillac convertible.
"And how the hell did we ever end up in this situation in the first place?" he asked.
As he was in the bar, drinking with his mexican friends. The door burst open and flashbangs went off, several heavily armed unknown gunmen entered the establishment. They had patches with the United Kingdom's flag on it, stood tall with Mp5's and took aim at the mexicans by the bar. Seems they forgot to pay their bar bill...
—
[SAS] Veteran Chester 22nd Special Air Service - Elite Virtual Regiment
but eventually all the Mexicans regained consciousness and downed a few more beers along side their new American and British friends. As all the new chums slowly began to stumble out of the bar...
This wasn't as extraordinary as one might think. The Mexican telephone companies sell cheap Sony phones to their stupid customers. It is cheaper to fill Japaneese Sony phones with semtex than electronics.
Only Mex-iPhone sells quality Apple phones -- made in China. I have heard of Chineese mandarins, but not apples.
Now, this story seems to develop in a very confusing direction. This is not true, however. The story will move on shortly.
One of our writers will now take upon himself the great responsibility of reiterating the main points from page 1-9 in a nutshell:
My attempt at reiterating the main points as Rouge requested.
Pages 1-8
From the beginning:
In a time before time, there was one man, a renegade cop. Armed with a prehistoric sling shot and the will to shoot mutant
killer rabbits that had a plot to take over the world.
A hero, emerged out of the shadows in torn khakis and sunglasses, determined to stand his ground, for he shall not rest. The guardian of light, was his name. A tattoo showed on his arm, a pink rabbit with the most ugly sunglasses you have ever seen - also a black rose, which shall always remind him... of his past on the planet of beautiful women.
He came from a broken mountain named Ho Chi Goon Cha Bein Koin Fu Chow where lived a large drunk spider, this spider was miraculous, for it could weave a web that told of the future. Only our hero could see a terrible accident tomorrow, where the big drunk spider would be attacked by mutant killer rabbits, which planned to invade the broken mountain and conquer it.
A huge hurricane blew him all the way down the mountain into a bar. Where he found a feisty red head drinking hurricanes at the bar. He asked the red head to buy him a drink, she agreed. Just then someone tapped him on the shoulder, he turned around and saw a blonde, dressed in black leather. She came closer, whispered in his ear: "what does it need... As he fumbled around with the contents of his one swiss pocket knife to a retractable pen, he was overcome with fear, as she continued. "...to give me the key to your Harley?" He replied: "Hey, Babe, you should buy your own damn bike".
on his black Harley Davidson. As they drove there in the dark, suddenly out of the sky came a flying phoenix, which lit up the sky like powerful lightning. The phoenix looked like a dragon and his wings were surronded by blue fire. The hero felt her fear. "Relax, babe, that's my personnal critter... "I don't want to know what your guard dog is like.
As they drove awhile they hit a street sign and sent her flying face first into the mud, as he flew high into the skies, where he spots a mutant killer rabbit ready to charge our still nameless cutie. As he plumets to Earth he sees he can't kill the rabbit due to it wearing his old norwegien skihat. He grabbed the skihat away from the surprised rabbit, gave it an evil smile and got bitten on the finger by the mutant rabbit as they fell back to earth. Then the girl now covered in mud whacked the rabbit over the head with a skillet. (Frying Pan)
The evil mutant rabbit was starting to wake up so our hero, swiss pocket knife in hand, ran for his bike - but wait... the mutant rabbit sudden asked: "Hey, why can't we live in a peaceful coexistence?!? But it was to late: The blonde took the shotgun out of the holster - shotguns were standard issue with Harley's in a time before time. Yelled "YOU'RE LUNCH RABBIT !!!" and she shot the rabbit, and ate it. She wiped the fur from her chin and the look of realization came to her face.... "THATS WHY I BROUGHT THE SKILLET...TO COOK THE RABBIT! With no further use for the skillet, our hero, avoiding the furry faced blonde until she brushes her teeth and washes her face, proceeded with their adventure.
A very mean looking wallabee emerged from the darkness, and challenged our hero to a fight. After drawing his swiss pocket knife, Roger from Tekken and Roger jr showed up, to backup the wallabee. Due to the fact 1:3 and having only a swiss pocket knife with him, the hero deicided to make a fast deal - (As he pulls out a table and three cups) to figure out which cup the ball is under. But before they could get started the bushes over to the right moved, and out of the shadows comes a pre-historic Terminator shouting: I said I would be back.
A huge fire truck full of 20 singing fire fighters wearing Norwegian skihats and off the truck stepped SAS_Trp_Big12 in his fire gear, it doesn't matter, she was GONE.... She took off like a Dalmation chasing a fire truck. As he got back on his bike and rode after the blonde, he realized he forgot about his flat tire, the rim started to spark... he pulled out his swiss pocket knife, pulled out a spoon and dialed the number of the nearest fire department, causing the fire truck to pull a one eighty across the highway making a zig-zag to avoid the blonde, now drooling, from becoming a hood ornament. Out of the sky came an alien aircraft, it sent our hero forward in time. The date is...
10,191 A.D. somewhere on the planet Arrakis. I am doomed, he thought... then he saw something shiny in the dirt. He examined further only to find his now vintage Hog. He reached in his Khakis for swiss pocket knife and 65 unique funtions and found the appriote one needed to rekindle his bike. After getting it running again, he rode straight to his hidden safehouse which was luckily not far from his current position. He opened the heavy bunker door and stepped inside, walked to the kitchen in search of some food. "hopefully the freezer still works!
Rustling through the freezer, he found a pair of green shoes that seemed to have a little bit of freezer burn, but would likely fry up nicely. He turned on the stove, got a pan out and began to think to himself... this really needs some hot sauce, but where? "Liquid nitroglycerin", the bottle said. He started to shake the bottle and it burst in his hand, sending
glass everywhere and flinging the hungry hero into the freezer. "Hey someone let me the heck out of here, it's cold!"
He hit the emergency eject button, conveniently he had placed an escape pod in the freezer just in case such a problem ever occured. As he flew up high into the air through the gapping hole he had just took out of his bunkers roof, he pressed the parachute button but... nothing happened!! Quickly he reached into his pocket for his swiss army knife, looking through the attachments and found a spoon. Then he landed flat on his duff on top a massive arakian sand worm that was about to eat a bunch of spice miners to the north.
When he realized the very danger of the situation he was now in, he remembered the SOP's when colliding with a massive Arrakian sand worm (and having only a swiss pocket knife with you instead of a rocket launcher
loaded with nuclear warheads): Don't move, don't move.
He looked for something to secure himself to the worm with, when he realized he has seen this movie before, it is a re-run. He was in an altered Time Zone of old movie re-runs. He closed his eyes and *poof* In front of him stood a five story high T-rex with the wings of a dragon and the head of a bear, he flew away into the sky and out of nowhere.
(As Spawn said - Fade to black - CHAPTER TWO: The Early Years) I will stop here, one LONG chapter of events is enough imho.
—
[SAS] Veteran Chester 22nd Special Air Service - Elite Virtual Regiment
He listened closely as they told him all they knew about this treasure. Once he had learned all he could for them he lit a map, dropped it on the floor and walked away as they ran screaming.
...to come, if he dares to enter the stonepit with all these traps he was warned of...?
NO WAY!
He was so excited of the things he would discover in there. So he took a big perch and entered carefully the stonepit. He came to a crossing with tunnels leading in different directions. In order to find his way back, he...
Picked up a stone and scraped arrows on the walls next to him to follow his directions back out of the dark tunnel, he continued inside and after a few steps saw....
—
If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. Anatole France [Jacques Anatole Thibault] (1844-1924)
"towns main brewery under control already !! 75 militiamen went down in it's defense...
To Arms!!!" the old man shouted.
When the whistle of Mexican artillery shells flying through the air began to become heard.
hundreds of old grumpy half dressed men ran for cover as the artillery rained down. "They've got the brewery held down tight, this is going to take some serious planning" Said the old man with the pot on his head, holding a broom like a rifle.
Then the call rained down..........
HAPPY HOUR
Lt_Col WIZ, VC, MiD (Ret)
"Where is my umbrella?", he thought, as...
The brewery caught fire !!!
Forcing the locals and the Mexican army to join forces to put out the fires before all was lost.
Later once the fire was out and 12 Corona's a head later in celebration they called the war off and hit the tequila with their new Mexican drinking budies for good measure.
When a senator drove up and congratulated him, his father, old Gustaw, and the leader of the Mexican army on making a peace treaty.
"Son, you're a real national hero you know that!! How did you do it?"
"Easy Sir, we just promised free green cards and cheap beer to anyone who wanted to work at the Brewery"
"WHAT !?" shouted the senator in astonishment
"Oh and they have to speak English" Gustaw added.
"This is rediculess!! You can't do that, the wars back on!, To arms people to arms !!" bellowed the senator.
"Vaya sorben a un pato" added the Mexican general (roughly go suck a duck)
"What did he say?"
"He said, it's better then what you have now"
"Your Mexican is worse then your Spanish lad" his father whispered in his ear as the senator drove off in a huge Cadillac convertible.
"And how the hell did we ever end up in this situation in the first place?" he asked.
To which old Gustaw replied
"Just blame it on the Cuervo son"
(Hmm, maybe my imagination is drunk? LOL)
As he was in the bar, drinking with his mexican friends. The door burst open and flashbangs went off, several heavily armed unknown gunmen entered the establishment. They had patches with the United Kingdom's flag on it, stood tall with Mp5's and took aim at the mexicans by the bar. Seems they forgot to pay their bar bill...
[SAS] Veteran Chester 22nd Special Air Service - Elite Virtual Regiment
"Amigos, you look like if you've seen the devil himself... - priceless!
We are just training. Any beers left for us?"
It took some time...
"What's the plan?
Track'em, find'em, kill'em!"
but eventually all the Mexicans regained consciousness and downed a few more beers along side their new American and British friends. As all the new chums slowly began to stumble out of the bar...
But then they found out the truth.
They Were Turkish in disguise, causing trouble. Just like at every International Football match.
So the Mex's pulled out their.............
Lt_Col WIZ, VC, MiD (Ret)
Cell Phones but they were made by Sony and exploded.
This wasn't as extraordinary as one might think. The Mexican telephone companies sell cheap Sony phones to their stupid customers. It is cheaper to fill Japaneese Sony phones with semtex than electronics.
Only Mex-iPhone sells quality Apple phones -- made in China. I have heard of Chineese mandarins, but not apples.
Now, this story seems to develop in a very confusing direction. This is not true, however. The story will move on shortly.
One of our writers will now take upon himself the great responsibility of reiterating the main points from page 1-9 in a nutshell:
My attempt at reiterating the main points as Rouge requested.
Pages 1-8
From the beginning:
In a time before time, there was one man, a renegade cop. Armed with a prehistoric sling shot and the will to shoot mutant
killer rabbits that had a plot to take over the world.
A hero, emerged out of the shadows in torn khakis and sunglasses, determined to stand his ground, for he shall not rest. The guardian of light, was his name. A tattoo showed on his arm, a pink rabbit with the most ugly sunglasses you have ever seen - also a black rose, which shall always remind him... of his past on the planet of beautiful women.
He came from a broken mountain named Ho Chi Goon Cha Bein Koin Fu Chow where lived a large drunk spider, this spider was miraculous, for it could weave a web that told of the future. Only our hero could see a terrible accident tomorrow, where the big drunk spider would be attacked by mutant killer rabbits, which planned to invade the broken mountain and conquer it.
A huge hurricane blew him all the way down the mountain into a bar. Where he found a feisty red head drinking hurricanes at the bar. He asked the red head to buy him a drink, she agreed. Just then someone tapped him on the shoulder, he turned around and saw a blonde, dressed in black leather. She came closer, whispered in his ear: "what does it need... As he fumbled around with the contents of his one swiss pocket knife to a retractable pen, he was overcome with fear, as she continued. "...to give me the key to your Harley?" He replied: "Hey, Babe, you should buy your own damn bike".
on his black Harley Davidson. As they drove there in the dark, suddenly out of the sky came a flying phoenix, which lit up the sky like powerful lightning. The phoenix looked like a dragon and his wings were surronded by blue fire. The hero felt her fear. "Relax, babe, that's my personnal critter... "I don't want to know what your guard dog is like.
As they drove awhile they hit a street sign and sent her flying face first into the mud, as he flew high into the skies, where he spots a mutant killer rabbit ready to charge our still nameless cutie. As he plumets to Earth he sees he can't kill the rabbit due to it wearing his old norwegien skihat. He grabbed the skihat away from the surprised rabbit, gave it an evil smile and got bitten on the finger by the mutant rabbit as they fell back to earth. Then the girl now covered in mud whacked the rabbit over the head with a skillet. (Frying Pan)
The evil mutant rabbit was starting to wake up so our hero, swiss pocket knife in hand, ran for his bike - but wait... the mutant rabbit sudden asked: "Hey, why can't we live in a peaceful coexistence?!? But it was to late: The blonde took the shotgun out of the holster - shotguns were standard issue with Harley's in a time before time. Yelled "YOU'RE LUNCH RABBIT !!!" and she shot the rabbit, and ate it. She wiped the fur from her chin and the look of realization came to her face.... "THATS WHY I BROUGHT THE SKILLET...TO COOK THE RABBIT! With no further use for the skillet, our hero, avoiding the furry faced blonde until she brushes her teeth and washes her face, proceeded with their adventure.
A very mean looking wallabee emerged from the darkness, and challenged our hero to a fight. After drawing his swiss pocket knife, Roger from Tekken and Roger jr showed up, to backup the wallabee. Due to the fact 1:3 and having only a swiss pocket knife with him, the hero deicided to make a fast deal - (As he pulls out a table and three cups) to figure out which cup the ball is under. But before they could get started the bushes over to the right moved, and out of the shadows comes a pre-historic Terminator shouting: I said I would be back.
A huge fire truck full of 20 singing fire fighters wearing Norwegian skihats and off the truck stepped SAS_Trp_Big12 in his fire gear, it doesn't matter, she was GONE.... She took off like a Dalmation chasing a fire truck. As he got back on his bike and rode after the blonde, he realized he forgot about his flat tire, the rim started to spark... he pulled out his swiss pocket knife, pulled out a spoon and dialed the number of the nearest fire department, causing the fire truck to pull a one eighty across the highway making a zig-zag to avoid the blonde, now drooling, from becoming a hood ornament. Out of the sky came an alien aircraft, it sent our hero forward in time. The date is...
10,191 A.D. somewhere on the planet Arrakis. I am doomed, he thought... then he saw something shiny in the dirt. He examined further only to find his now vintage Hog. He reached in his Khakis for swiss pocket knife and 65 unique funtions and found the appriote one needed to rekindle his bike. After getting it running again, he rode straight to his hidden safehouse which was luckily not far from his current position. He opened the heavy bunker door and stepped inside, walked to the kitchen in search of some food. "hopefully the freezer still works!
Rustling through the freezer, he found a pair of green shoes that seemed to have a little bit of freezer burn, but would likely fry up nicely. He turned on the stove, got a pan out and began to think to himself... this really needs some hot sauce, but where? "Liquid nitroglycerin", the bottle said. He started to shake the bottle and it burst in his hand, sending
glass everywhere and flinging the hungry hero into the freezer. "Hey someone let me the heck out of here, it's cold!"
He hit the emergency eject button, conveniently he had placed an escape pod in the freezer just in case such a problem ever occured. As he flew up high into the air through the gapping hole he had just took out of his bunkers roof, he pressed the parachute button but... nothing happened!! Quickly he reached into his pocket for his swiss army knife, looking through the attachments and found a spoon. Then he landed flat on his duff on top a massive arakian sand worm that was about to eat a bunch of spice miners to the north.
When he realized the very danger of the situation he was now in, he remembered the SOP's when colliding with a massive Arrakian sand worm (and having only a swiss pocket knife with you instead of a rocket launcher
loaded with nuclear warheads): Don't move, don't move.
He looked for something to secure himself to the worm with, when he realized he has seen this movie before, it is a re-run. He was in an altered Time Zone of old movie re-runs. He closed his eyes and *poof* In front of him stood a five story high T-rex with the wings of a dragon and the head of a bear, he flew away into the sky and out of nowhere.
(As Spawn said - Fade to black - CHAPTER TWO: The Early Years) I will stop here, one LONG chapter of events is enough imho.
[SAS] Veteran Chester 22nd Special Air Service - Elite Virtual Regiment
It was a sunny day. Our hero was a young boy - far beyond the time of getting The ONE, the Guardian of Light. As he was playing in a stone-pit...
"What's the plan?
Track'em, find'em, kill'em!"
with his wooden dolls,
He was trying to.....
Start a fire... but had no wooden sticks. So he put his dolls in the stone-pit and....
[SAS] Veteran Chester 22nd Special Air Service - Elite Virtual Regiment
...suddenly the dolls came to life and said...
"How would you like being used for tinder?"
Surprised he thought: "OOPS, I better don't consume so much Ebbelwoi...". Then he realised, that this was real, it happend right in front his eyes.
Tricky as he was (which saved his life multiple times in the years to come), he replied gentle: "Well, I bet that...
"What's the plan?
Track'em, find'em, kill'em!"
you guys would burn a lot better if you were doused in some gasoline, he ran off to the tool shed, but returned to see that the dolls had...
found miniature toy chainsaws to d efend themselves with but ...
it didn't take long and the miniature chainsaws ran dry.
"Don't ignite us and we tell you a secret-place in the stone pit, where...
"What's the plan?
Track'em, find'em, kill'em!"
"you can find a map and a key, to the greatest treasure in all the land!"
"Treasure huh?, I don't need money I need fire"
"It's not money, it's the key to..."
(Well, you can tell what robin hood movie I was watching >_>)
...a old underground armory, pilled to the ceiling with goodies.
"But beware... for all those who have tried to take have failed."
"Well........
it's worth a shot I guess"
He listened closely as they told him all they knew about this treasure. Once he had learned all he could for them he lit a map, dropped it on the floor and walked away as they ran screaming.
Slowly he wondered....
(Man I'm in a dark mood today)
The end....?
...to come, if he dares to enter the stonepit with all these traps he was warned of...?
NO WAY!
He was so excited of the things he would discover in there. So he took a big perch and entered carefully the stonepit. He came to a crossing with tunnels leading in different directions. In order to find his way back, he...
"What's the plan?
Track'em, find'em, kill'em!"
Picked up a stone and scraped arrows on the walls next to him to follow his directions back out of the dark tunnel, he continued inside and after a few steps saw....
If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. Anatole France [Jacques Anatole Thibault] (1844-1924)
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