1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to
immediately clear your computer history when you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when
you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap
when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5.
I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they started off
how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. There comes a
moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do
anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue
Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and
it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page
technical report when I swear I did not make any changes to it.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I
know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given
Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite
17. I wish Google Maps had a "Ghetto Avoidance" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you
just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand
a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of
cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.
Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never
get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times
because I've forgotten what time it was the first two times.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating
their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and
Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find
and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7
seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey
in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.
That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that
their brain is also important.
Lt. Col (Retired)
22nd [SAS] Elite Virtual Regiment