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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says, "I''ve lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I''m positive."

A farmer buys a young rooster to impregnate his chickens. The young rooster struts into the barn and yells to the old rooster, "Get out old man! This is my barn now!"
"Tell you what," says the old rooster. "I''ll race you around the farm; winner gets all the chicks."
The old rooster takes off toward the front of the house with the young rooster chasing him. The farmer takes one look at the roosters, pulls out his shotgun (it was a SPAS-12, since loud weapons were allowed), and blows the young one away.
"Dammit," says the farmer. "That''s the third gay rooster I''ve bought this month!"

Thanks to Maxim magazine for these jokes.